An Old Joke about Stock Plan Outsourcing

I had a conversation today (actually, I have similar conversation every week) that reminded me of an old joke:

A man goes swimming but gets sucked out to sea. A boat passes, and tells him to climb aboard, but he says, “I have faith, God will save me”.

The Coast Guard comes by with a helicopter and tells him to climb the ladder up, but he says, “I have faith, God will save me.”

The man is starting to get tired, but thankfully a dolphin swims under him and starts to carry him to shore, but the man pushes the dolphin away, saying “I have faith, God will save me”.

The man dies and goes to Heaven. He asks God, “Why didn’t you save me?”

God replies, “I tried! I sent a ship, a helicopter and a dolphin!”

So many people I talk to have the same challenge, and the same criteria for what they are looking for in solving their problems: They need the depth of equity compensation (or compensation) expertise that will help them sleep at night, because they “don’t know what they don’t know”; they need someone who can roll up her sleeves and do the dirty day-to-day work; and, they don’t really need any of this full-time (well, actually what they mean is that they don’t want any of this at the full price of hiring a full-time permanent employee).

Beautiful, there are a couple readily-available solutions to your problem, I say – Outsourcing or consulting (independent, or through a boutique firm specializing in this area), are a mix of these. Both are highly adapted to meet your needs, will usually do a much better job at handling the spectrum of your requirements, and, the cherry on top, having the right team or consultant in place is almost always less expensive (in absolute terms) and more cost-effective (in terms of what you get for your buck).

To be sure, many clients are willing to ride the dolphin to safety, and data from the most recent industry surveys indicate that companies are coming around to the idea of using outside help to manage and administer their stock plans or broader compensation programs. But for so many others, the perceived risk, especially with respect to what they believe will result in a loss of control over the function, cause them to forego the lifelines available to them in favor of trying to hire, usually with an eye toward people willing to work part-time or take on other responsibilities like payroll, hr, legal or accounting…hopefully not looking for these big salaries they have been hearing about, either.

Then they ask me if can help them find that…at which point, I usually like to tell them an old joke that I know.

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